200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts
by Cherry4Mione
Summary: Where Fred and George Weasley are concerned, boredom is a dangerous thing. On the first weekend at Hogwarts, Ron Weasley agrees to start a Prank War with his brothers against Umbridge that will become a part of history and Hogwarts legend.
1. Chapter 1

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**Chapter One: How it all Started**

The day it started was like any other ordinary day. It was the first weekend of Fred and George Weasley's last year of school. They were bored. You see, boredom can lead to a whole lot of things, especially when the Weasley twins were involved. So naturally something needed to be done.

It was then that the Great Prank War of Hogwarts began.

At first it had just been the Weasley twins against Umbridge, but after DA was formed, all the houses and even some teachers had united in the Great Prank War.

And this is how it started.

* * *

"Ron!" Ron Weasley turned around, groaning when he saw who it was.

"What?" he asked.

"Well that's no way to greet your fellow brothers!" said George, sounded morally offended.

"You'd think he'd have better manners wouldn't you George?" said Fred. "Growing up with us and all"

"What do you want?" Ron asked.

"Okay, we need a favour" George said, going to be serious. Ron was seriously taken aback. He had never heard this serious tone in either of the twins and decided to listen, an action he later learned to regret.

"With?"

The twins looked at each other and grinned.

"We need to get the DA involved, but for now we'll just use you, Harry and Hermione until it gets bigger" Fred said, in the same tone as George.

"What?" Ron asked again, confused.

The twins had an evil sparkle in their eyes Ron didn't like.

"A Prank War" They said together.

"No" he said immediately and flatly.

"Against Umbridge" George continued. Ron smiled.

"Go on"

"If we get enough people involved, it will slowly drive her out of the school" Fred said.

"And as its our last year, we expect a lot of people to join in. That's our goal for the year" George finished.

Ron considered for a moment.

There was no doubts they would get into a lot of trouble, but it was for a good cause and it was Fred and George's last year. He grinned.

"I'm in"

And that was the beginning of a year long battle that would become a part of Hogwarts history.


	2. Chapter 2

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**Authors Note:**

**Hi guys! First I want to thank Dubious Sight and Bluepanda800 for their reviews! You guys are my first. Not only for this story, but for any. I am new, haha. I know it is kinda sad I'm updated twice in one day, but its school holidays and I have nothing to do. But don't expect this all the time, my mum doesn't let me on for more than an hour. Its super annoying so I'm forced to read fanfic on my ipod until 2 in the morning.**

**Dubious Sight - Thank you for reviewing you are my very first. I am glad you like the story and I appreciate the criticism, I know I didn't add in enough description, I think that's my worst flaw- don't hesitate to tell me!**

**No more delays, I'll start the first one!**

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**Chapter Two: I will not start bets on how long the new DADA teacher will last**

"No" Hermione said flatly. "Absolutely not"

"Oh come on Hermione, it will be fun!" said Harry, who was only happy to help out with the Prank War against Umbridge. It was needless to say he wasn't a fan of her.

"It goes against every school rule in the book!" She complained. Ron and Harry rolled their eyes.

"Hermione, one, we have _already_ broken just about every rule in the book, and the twins every one we haven't and none of us have been expelled!" Harry said and Ron nodded. If Hermione didn't join in, this would all fail. They needed _some_ brains on their side.

"Well even so, we need to keep a clean record for a good reputation, or our whole futures will be ruined!" Hermione insisted.

"Oh come on Hermione!" Ron suddenly shouted. "Its not going to ruin our records, detentions count for nothing as long as you get passable grades and this will probably _help your_ reputation!"

Hermione glared at him. Ron groaned. Great, now she'll never do it.

But fortunately for him, he had Harry on his side, who knew Hermione well as well.

"Leave her Ron. She's only scared"

That set it off. Hermione Granger is _not_ scared and will _never_ back down a challenge.

* * *

Dolores Umbridge was having a bad day. It had taken less than a week for her to realise she absolutely hated and despised children. Now she had her least favourite class on a Monday morning with her fifth years, the one with Potter in it.

Groaning, she walked into her classroom. She knew that the students would all be talking, chatting and yelling across the room, but this was different.

Instead of this and then scrambling back to their desks when they heard her come in they were quietly talking to each other around one desk and barely looked up when she entered.

Tut tut. That wont do.

"Excuse me class, what are you doing?" It was then that they ran back to their desks. To add to the confusion, she noticed that it was both Gryffindors and Slytherins that had been huddled. Her eyes narrowed when she saw whose desk it was.

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, who was clutching a piece of parchment.

"Let me see that" she said, holding her hand out to Hermione.

"Um, Professor, I don't think you want to-" Without waiting, Dolores snatched the parchment away and started to read aloud until she really saw what she was reading and stopped looking down the page, her mouth falling open.

_Bets on DADA Teacher_

_Sacked - Granger, Brown, Patil_

_Quit - Patil, Granger, Weasley, Potter, Zabini_

_Drowned - Potter, Weasley, Finnegan, Thomas_

_Burned at Stake - Malfoy, Zabini, Finnegan, Potter, Weasley_

_Death by Stampede of Centaurs - Thomas, Finnegan_

_Chocked to Death by McGonogall - Potter, Weasley, Finnegan, Thomas, Patil, Brown _

_Killed by Students - Malfoy, Zabini, Weasley, Potter, Finnegan, Thomas, Granger, Brown, Patil_

The last ones list went on and on.

Umbridge looked up at the class with wide, frightened eyes to see them all smiling at her sweetly. She put the parchment on her desk and let them out of class thirty five minutes early.


	3. Chapter 3

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**Authors Note: Hi guys! I want to say thanks for all the reviews, again, and wanted to reply to someone who pointed out in the previous chapter that it was typed in as Chapter Three. That was a typo by me, I've fixed it and I apologise. It was also said that there were no names with the commas. I don't know why it wasn't working but I've put it in now, so hopefully that's fixed.**

**Also I would like to say that I received a PM from **_**RUGoing2writethat, **_**who asked if I was taking requests. That's a YES, I will. RUGoing2writethat requests are going to be posted next**

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**Chapter Three: Professor is not the Wicked Witch of the West**

Upon first meeting her, Professor McGonogall hadn't taken much of a liking to her new collage, Dolores Umbridge. But ever since Monday nights meeting, she couldn't help but feel like something had happened to her - or someone.

McGonogall knew that being a teacher was a very hard and stressful job, she had worked at Hogwarts for over thirty years and of seven of those years - the most recent - she had to deal with the Weasley twins. Since it was their last year, McGonogall was sure that they would want to make it memorable and couldn't help thinking Umbridge had chosen a bad year to start.

It had only been a week and she looked fairly traumatised. When McGonogall herself started it had been difficult but not nearly as bad as Umbridge looked, but then again, the Weasley twins weren't born yet then.

So, she decided she wanted to know what was happening to cause all this.

On one of the days she didn't have a class, McGonogall walked down towards the DADA classroom to see what was happening.

She knew if she walked in, nothing would happen, so she just stood in the doorway watching.

It was the seventh years class - with the Weasley twins. McGonogall felt bad, but was also glad that she had gotten the right class.

And sure enough, it was George Weasley who raised up his hand.

"Yes, Mr Weasley?" Umbridge asked.

"Professor, I was wondering that what defines a Dark Wizard?" he asked.

Umbridge raised her eyebrows.

"Well, Mr Weasley, a Dark Wizard usually means that they have taken part in illegal practices, such as torture and murder"

"What do you think defines torture?" asked Fred Weasley. McGonogall groaned.

"Whatever the victim feels is abuse, uncomfortable, or against their will"

"Like school?" George asked with an evil grin. Umbridge shifted uncomfortably.

"No-"

"But it is against our will. We don't want to do it" Fred pointed out.

"Yes, but it is the law"

"So the law means that you cant torture people but you can make people do things against their will?" George said, grinning. Umbridge stared at them.

"School is a necessary aspect of life Mr Weasley" she said. "Abuse is not"

"That makes no sense" Fred said. "That makes you a Dark Wizard" Umbridge said nothing and just stared at them with her mouth hanging open.

"You give out unnecessary detentions, are a teacher, hate children and want other races dead" said George. Even McGonogall gasped. He couldn't have just said that.

"WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!" Fred screamed.

McGonogall walked away reminding herself to book Umbridge in for therapy.


	4. Chapter 4

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**A/N: This is the first request of RUGoing2writethat, hope you like it! (Sorry its so short)**

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**Chapter Four: I will not charm the Educational Degrees**

Dolores Umbridge had been at Hogwarts for less than two weeks and she had already been booked in for therapy. Her plan for Hogwarts was failing, which was why she had asked Cornelius for the Educational Degrees. As nothing had happened for two days, she was pleased with herself and satisfied it was working.

Harry Potter, however, was not. Ever since his detention he had wished Umbridge death and written to Sirius wondering if she was with Voldemort, but so far she was just an evil old woman. With her at Hogwarts he started looking forward to potions with Snape.

So while he was walking into the Great Hall to have lunch, needless to say he wasn't pleased when an Educational Degree fell on his foot.

He picked it up and smashed the glass in frustration, and then saw it was one with a picture of Umbridge in it. Smiling evilly, Harry duplicated it and then replaced all of the Educational Degrees with it.

Putting them all back up he grinned at his spell work and walked back into the hall.

* * *

Umbridge was feeling so good that she decided she was going to eat her lunch with the other professors.

Wearing a big smile and three layers of pink, she bounced into the Great Hall.

Yes.

_Bounced._

However at the entrance she stopped in her tracks and her mouth hung open.

Replaced by her Educational Degrees was a picture of her beautiful, pink smiling face.

It wasn't her face that she was bothered by though.

It was the caption.

WANTED TOAD FOR IMPERSONATION OF HUMAN


	5. Chapter 5

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**A/N Second request! I am so sorry I took so long to update, school started up again and I was on camp which was horrible! I am more of a hotel person who just sits by the pool all day, haha. Ok, here it is-**

* * *

**Chapter Five: I will not charm the toads at Hogwarts to follow Umbridge around**

Dolores Umbridge was sitting in her office, just after all the classes had finished. She scowled as she could hear yelling of joyful students, celebrating their Friday night. She ignored it at first, but it got too much when they were still there at eleven. She opened the door suddenly to a corridor of students.

"WHAT EXACTLY do you think you are all doing out here? You curfew was half an hour ago!" she yelled at them.

"Please professor" squeaked a third year boy. "we cant go back to our dormitories, there's too many of them!"

"Too many of what?" Umbridge snapped.

"Frogs" said a fifth year girl. Umbridge raised her eyebrows.

"Frogs?"

"No, they're _toads_ Padma. I thought you were the one in Ravenclaw" said a girl identical to the first.

All at once, there was much yelling amongst the students about house rivalry and whether it was a toad or frog.

"SHUT UP!" Umbridge eventually yelled. "You are all being ridiculous! Get out of this corridor at once, or I will report you all to your head of house!"

The students all looked around uncertainly. Umbridge rolled her eyes.

"Fine, if you are all really that scared, I will go just to prove-"

Umbridge stopped dead. As she had turned the corner, there were over three hundred toads sitting on the floor, croaking. This was not the most odd thing about this though. It was the fact they were carrying picket signs, all saying things like

_We love you Umbridge!_

_Queen of the toads!_

_Marry me, my love_

_Be mine!_

_I'm your biggest fan!_

_I'll be yours forever!_

They were _toads._

Carrying _picket signs_.

Announcing their _love_ for her.

_Queen of the toads._

Umbridge turned back to the students, but as soon as she moved, the toads all came forward in a stampede, knocking her over.

She could hear the students screaming, and croaking, but her vision was obscured by thirty four toads on her body seemingly kissing her. _Do toads even have lips?, _Umbridge wondered as she screamed for help.

Eventually she saw some teachers run over.

"HELP! HELP!" She screamed. "THE TOADS ARE GETTING AWAY! GET THEM! IM DYING!"

However, all Professor McGonogall did was shake her head and tutted, much like Umbridge.

"Dolores, did you try a simple repelling charm?" she asked, drawing out her wand and muttering the incarnation. All of the toads hopped off of Umbridge. She stood up, noticing she was covered in slime and a disgusting moss green colour of she didn't even want to know what.

"However, the enchantment for the toads itself is marvellous" said Professor Flitwick. "Fred and George Weasley, twenty points to Gryffindor each"


	6. Chapter 6

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**A/N Hi! Thank you all for your kind reviews (LunaNotLoony, Katnice and Guest). Ii would also like to thank LM Ryder the Batty Bat for pointing out my spelling mistakes. I always spell McGonagall wrong, I can never remember what it is! I will most likely repeat in the future, don't hesitate to tell me! I don't know why I had collage instead of colleague. I don't have a proper word, I have a processor which sucks as well as my auto correct. Its even more silly considering my parents, grandfather and myself put in money to buy the new fancy looks-like-but-not-a touch screen computer for school, but wont buy me word cause its too expensive. Enough rave. Also, I can definitely put some bats in with Snape, knew that would come up soon! Might be a little later in the story though! I'm watching DH Part 2 as I write this, me and my friend had a marathon Friday night but started it too late and finished the third movie at 2am. Its Sunday. Ok, on with the story. **

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**Chapter Six - I will not draw on Umbridge's kittens**

It was Harry's third detention of the week with Umbridge. His hand stung and he hated Umbridge more than ever, just sitting there, sipping her tea, smiling at him like he was the luckiest boy on earth.

There was a knock on the door and a little second year girl walked in holding a piece of parchment. Harry stopped writing to see what she wanted.

"Keep writing Mr Potter" Umbridge said sweetly. "What is it Miss Leawe?" she asked the girl.

"A note from Professor Flitwick" the girl said in a confident voice. Umbridge took the note and read it, her eyebrows knitting closer and closer together as she read. She glared at the parchment and then turned to Harry.

"I will be back in twenty minutes at the most Potter. Keep on with your lines, or I will make it double. Miss Leawe, show me the way"

The two of them walked out the door, it shutting behind them. Harry stopped his lines at once, slamming the quill down on the table. He got up and looked out the window and saw the Gryffindor Quidditch team practising.

As Ron missed his catch, Harry swore and one of the cats on the plates meowed loudly. Harry glared at the plate. He didn't particularly like cats, he didn't mind Crookshanks so much after third year, but wouldn't be particularly sad if he died.

Looking at the blood quill on the table, Harry grinned.

He picked up one of Umbridge's regular ink quills and dipped it in permanent ink. He took it towards the kitten that meowed and gave it a moustache and mono brow.

He did the same to the other cats, drawing the Dark Mark on one of them and just other silly things on them.

But all too soon, Umbridge walked in.

"Potter what are you-" she stopped in the middle of her sentence and looked around her kittens and her mouth fell open.

"My… My babies!" ands she fainted.

Harry looked at her for a second. He considered getting help, but then shrugged and drew on her face. Glasses, a scar and dark mark on her left arm.

He wished he had a camera.

"Professor Umbridge-" Professor Flitwick walked in and then saw Umbridge on the ground, ink all over her, the cats with moustaches and then Harry with a totally unsuspicious quill in his hand.

"That's some nice art Mr Potter" he said approvingly. "Twenty points to Gryffindor"

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**Review and you get a virtual cookie! I welcome requests and constructive criticism, but no flame! **


	7. Chapter 7

200 Things I'm not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

**A/N I'm sorry I have taken so long to update! So as a treat, I'm updating today on Friday the Thirteenth! Haha, I hope you are all ok. Unfortunately, I have skipped a couple of requests - don't worry, I'm still going to do them! I'm replying to a request by Antomix330 who simply said- Peeves. You should know what to do. I hope I do not disappoint you. And thank the rest of you for reviwes! ILY.**

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**Chapter Seven - I will not persuade Peeves to follow Umbridge around… **

Dolores Umbridge had only been at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry a short time, but was already seriously considering resignation. As soon as she got out of the hellhole she was going to pass a physical punishment law in the school.

Today however, she felt even worse. She was seeing things.

Every time she turned a corner, she felt like she was being watched.

But whenever she turned around there was nothing there. And the more frequently she did it, she started to get water squirted at her. It just started as a little puddle at her feet, to now a jet of water splashed in her face.

This wasn't a subtle little prank from a student, it was a quite obvious statement. But still, there was nothing there.

The fifth time Umbridge turned around after being jet squirted in the face, she screamed.

It looked like a ghost who had covered themselves in foundation and blush completely, raided a strip club and had makeup all over its face.

The thing screamed as it saw Umbridge.

"OH MY GOD!" It yelled in a silly high pitched, yet definitely male voice. "ITS EVEN MORE HIDEOUS UP CLOSE!"

Then it ran through a wall.

Umbridge stared, then fainted.

Peeves, however smirked on the other side of the wall, and floated back.

"Ooooh, looks like itty witty bitchy witch has had a wittle too much to drink?" He cackled evilly, then levitated her up.

Upon seeing their floating teacher, a few students had gathered around the odd pair, wondering if it was even possible for the poltergeist to use magic.

"What are you all looking at? Peeves shouted, sounding oddly serious. "Don't do drugs kids!" then let Umbridge fall to the floor as he floated away, cursing knowing all those kids had seen him in drag.


End file.
